See what you like what you see

noir et blanc

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 14:11:59 GMT

sometimes when i wake up to this place everything is in black and white, it seems things are always all or nothing, too much or not enough, everyone or no one, obsession or hatred... care or complete lack thereof.

The past couple of days I haven't felt well and I was hoping someone would care. but this is a no one kind of time.

I want to believe that it's not my fault, but maybe it is. perhaps the best thing is to continue to do the best I can, and try not to think. As much as I love to think, I ultimately end up hating to do it, just like so many other things. Black and white.

I apologize to anyone who has stopped to read this today.

if you die, then we all do.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:17:57 GMT

I know how you feel. Things will be better for you someday.
Just do the best you can. It doesn't matter what they say, or thinkit's what'sinside that countsiknowhowyoufeel

between what i have said and maybe what i should have said within these past few weeks, sometimes it all makes me feel like a liar. or maybe just a bad friend. i wish i could understand others' desire to be selfish, but in doing that i'd probably have to understand my own.

and what reason do i have to feel sorry for myself?

this should not even be a question. but I cannot blame the person who asks it.

i just wanted to hold you in my arms

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 03:10:23 GMT

All I can think about are the last things I want to think about.
Redundant thoughts.

Today in Spanish we learned the difference between two verbs which both translate as "to be," estar and ser. Ser is used to describe states of things or where a person orginates whereas estar deals with like changing states of being.
For example, ella es nerviosa = she's always nervous.
ella esta nerviosa = she's nervous today because i dont know, she has an interview or something.

i hope thats right. it could be vice versa. school is good because it gives me something better to think about. even if its just learning to differentiate between her being nervous today or her being a generally nervous person. And you know what I think? other languages are beautiful. And the world is beautiful even if you feel like hell, there is always something somewhere that you can go look at or maybe its a song that you can listen to. You can be a generally nervous person but sometimes you just have to take a step back and realize that today is the first day of the rest of your life therefore ella esta nerviosa makes no sense unless you wanna think like a spaniard and lets not kid ourselves. Who really wants to do that?

what a perfect day for rain

Wed, 27 Sep 2006 16:01:47 GMT

Today I woke up at 4am so I could go to work at 5am.
I acted as happy as possible at work, like everyday. I find the day goes by faster if you simply try to have a good attitude, though it is true that some days are easier than others.

Today was actually not quite as bad as I thought it would be last night when I received what could possibly be the last email from him. My immediate desire was to collapse. but I thought better of allowing myself such a feeling. It would be better to be realistic, told myself I could've very easily seen it coming if only I would have looked. If only I wouldn't have been such a foolish idiot, "elongating illusions" of a perfect life I will never attain. i wondered who's words these really were after reading them, up until now i had ignored the chance they were just illusions.

I turned away from the words and went downstairs and out the door. I wished I had had a friend to run to but knew talking about it would make me feel all the more foolish. I've neglected all of my friends anyhow, pursuing some false happiness. Even purchased a plane ticket to belgium instead of going to mexico to see my cousin's wedding with the rest of the family, or to florida to visit my brother.

I ran and ran, trying to feel some sort of release... and when i came back, no one had even noticed i was gone.

como te extraňo (how much i miss you)

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 17:17:59 GMT

My brother came home for the weekend. We had a small party on Sunday, this is us playing for the fam.
He left on Monday and I felt very very sad. I tried not to cry when, but I couldn't help it. I don't know if he understands how much I feel like I need him sometimes. Even now, I feel upset to think about it. It seems everything is different now without him, throughout my life he has been so much to me.
As I was sulking in my dark room, Eduardo called. It made me endlessly happy to hear from him. He helped me stop feeling so sorry for myself, something he seems to be very good at. Thankfully, the day turned around and actually ended up being very good. I even got to play tennis.
As for today, I have to get my schoolin' on in a half hour. Class runs from 2:30 to 8:20. I pray that I will make it through this semester alive... and in time to see the Muse concert in Belgium. Oh yes. :)

Holla to my homegal I did not get to hang with this weekend, you know who you are.

Have another one my loving man

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 06:19:29 GMT

Today I went to Lib's. I wanted to play tennis but alas we could not play. It was raining. F it all anyway. who cares.

Then I got a call from a very old friend. I went to Churchill's, a bar in my wonderful city of Flint only to find a bunch of sweet asses from Kearsley getting down to some crazy club music. it was an alright time. I went home early, its been my style lately. I just don't party like i used to... but parties are not like they used to be.

HOLLA.

bonne soirée mes amis.

Oh my darlin'

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 02:55:18 GMT

This is Rita.

Today was good... or at least, nothing bad happened. I got another job, a good one, but again, it is one that occurs only once a week. I pray my schedule for the upcoming semester does not get the better of me. With school and hopefully another job (a 5th job), I'll be very busy. For this, I am very excited but also anxious.

Il faut que j'apprenne à aimer l'anxiété.

How wonderful life is when you're in the world

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 03:36:29 GMT

First LiveJournal entry, how exciting.